Acceptable Happiness
by Maeve Bran
Summary: Angel visits Buffy after the battle with the Circle of the Black Thorn.


**Title**: Acceptable Happiness 

**Author**: Maeve Bran

**Rating**: K+

**Summary**: Angel visits Buffy after the battle with the Circle of the Black Thorn.

**Still My Girl Prompt**: If you're not willing to risk the unusual, you will have to settle for the ordinary.

**Notes**: Post "Not Fade Away". This is in my AU where Buffy and Co. live in Las Vegas.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Buffy or Angel.

* * *

Angel couldn't believe he was here, in Vegas. The battle for LA was over; Buffy had shown up and helped, but then disappeared again without talking to him. He could guess why, but still he needed to thank her even if she didn't want to talk to him. He really had alienated her and the new Watchers' Council but he need to make amends.

Angel gathered his courage and rang the bell. He could battle the minions of Hell, no problem, but facing one tiny blonde girl-- woman, actually-- made him quiver with fear.

Buffy opened the door and gasped. Angel winced, realizing what he must look like. He had made sure that Gunn and Wesley had been moved to hospitals with Illyria (in the guise of Fred) there to watch over them and that Spike was preparing the hotel for occupancy again, but then he had come straight here. No time for bathing the grime of battle off, just the overwhelming need to see Buffy and make sure he hadn't been hallucinating in the midst of battle.

Angel managed a smile. "Hi, Buffy," he said by way of a greeting. "I . . "

"Hi, yourself." Buffy returned with a smirk. "What did you do? Wipe out the armies of Hell and drive straight here?"

"Something like that." Angel returned the smirk. "Don't suppose I could come in? I can smell the sun is about to rise. I mean, I can burn out here if you really want me to but I'd rather not."

"Of course, come on in, " Buffy stammered, as she must have forgotten just how close he must have cut his drive. "Angel, do you have a bag or something?"

"Yeah, in the backseat," Angel said as he moved past her into the house. Buffy retrieved the duffle and led the way inside.

Angel looked around at the room. It was very white and cool and light, but without lots of windows, thankfully. It was a living room with several comfortable couches and a large television, with a hall branching off to the left. To the right it gave way to a large airy kitchen. That room Angel looked upon with some trepidation as it had many windows and soon would be a death trap for him.

Buffy came over to where he was standing. "Don't worry, I'm not in the kitchen that much. That's Dawn's territory. You can have the bed in my office at the back of the house. Only one window with a very heavy curtain on it," Buffy assured him as if reading his mind. "The bathroom is this way if you want a shower." She led off down the hall.

"Buffy, I . . " Angel started but Buffy turned toward him.

"Anything you have to say can wait until you've showered the grime of an Apocalypse off," Buffy said, placing his duffle in the bathroom and pointing.

"Thanks," Angel said.

An hour later, Angel was seated on the couch waiting for Buffy, who had run into the kitchen for some coffee. Angel was nervous, after all his track record when talking to Buffy was pretty poor but he was determined that this time it would go better. Finally, Buffy emerged from the kitchen with a tray containing two mugs of coffee, cream, sugar and a bagel for herself. Angel accepted a mug and busied himself putting some cream and four spoonfuls of sugar in his coffee while Buffy settled down at the far end of his couch.

"I wanted to thank you for showing up when you did yesterday," Angel started. "We would have been dead if it wasn't for you and your army of slayers. Not to mention what Willow did for Wesley. Thank you"  
"All I did was return the favor. You were by my side for what was it, four Apocalypses? How could I ignore you in your need? I couldn't. Not if I wanted to live with myself. If you died and I did nothing to stop it . . ." Buffy got choked up.

"I know how that goes. I had to live with that for a few months and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy," Angel said seriously as he scooted a bit closer and faced her. "But I didn't think you wanted anything to do with me from what Giles said when Fred died."

"That was Giles, not me. I was in Rome for a month and didn't find out about it until two days ago. Believe me, Giles won't pull that stunt again," Buffy said angrily. "For the record, I never lost faith that you were doing the right thing. I may not agree with your methods, but I know you and you'd only take over Wolfram and Hart for good reasons. You explained them to me but not to Giles, so I see how he came to the conclusion he did, but he was still wrong."

"Thank you for that. I don't deserve your trust, but thanks," Angel said.

"Now, why are you really here? You didn't drive all this way and risk getting crispified just to thank me for standing by your side. So what is it?" Buffy asked.

"You're right. I didn't. I've had some time to think, about what matters most in my life. It came down to two people, you and my son. Connor is in college at Stanford and has his new family. So I guess I've done right by him. But you, I've hurt over and over by trying to protect you. I came to see if you'll forgive me for my misguided attempts at protecting you," Angel rambled.

This appeared to stun Buffy. Angel had never admitted that he hurt Buffy when he had left and that he did so now was astonishing. She was doing a fine imitation of a stunned fish for a few moments. "Of course I forgive you. I am partly to blame for the hurt I felt. I know now that you were right to leave me. I was too dependent on you and so very young and didn't know what I needed," Buffy said. "But I know now that a normal relationship, the kind you wanted for me, will never work for me."

"Why is that, Buffy?" Angel inquired.

"I'm a slayer. Part of what I do can't be understood by a normal man. Even Riley, demon hunter that he was, never understood what being a slayer meant. Only you and Spike really understood. And before you get all noble and tell me to go to Spike, what he and I had was destructive and I don't want that any more," Buffy explained.

"More destructive than what we had?" Angel jested.

"Yes. You and I never had sex just to feel. Feel anything at all, even disgust at yourself. I used to feel dirty just being with him, and that was an improvement on not feeling anything. You wanted me to be normal but I never found it," Buffy said sardonically. "I guess if you don't risk the unusual you have to settle for ordinary and I can never be ordinary, Angel. Don't you see?"

"I see. I'm not the same man that walked away from you five years ago. I can't promise you much. Especially not perfect happiness." At that both Angel and Buffy smiled sad smiles. "But I can promise you the unusual, and probably acceptable happiness."

"That is a promise I'll hold you to," Buffy said as she set down her coffee cup and moved over to sit next to him. Angel set down his own mug and took her in his arms and kissed her.

(fin)


End file.
